Survivor: Guatemala Thoughts: Week 6 "Unsportmanshipvillesquent Behavior"

Well, let me say, that last week I sort of let it slip that I liked Brian. In previous editions of my thought I announced that I liked Brianne and Margaret. So, once again, Bob’s kiss of death is in full affect ladies and gentleman. I would suggest that you keep your children, and small pets away from me. I think my endorsements have killed more dreams than an alarm clock..

Yet, I have some great news for the hordes of fans of Root beer and hotdogs out there that thought that Judd’s dissing of their favorite products by trading them for a Bud Light was the ultimate in villainy. Oh, yes, I have some excellent news for all you Francophiles.
Editor’s Note: For some odd reason Bob believed this to mean “one who admires Frankfurters", I didn’t have the heart to explain to him it actually meant “one who admires France, sometimes it’s better to let Bob live within his own delusions.

Shut up editor, I can read. Oh, back to my excellent news.

I still like Judd.

Now, now, I know what you’re thinking. Heaven’s to Betsy Bob. Tell us you jest. You say this because you know your curse will doom him.

Nope, like him. You know that mangy, old smelly dog that lives in your neighborhood. He’s chained up behind Mr. Parson’s old beat up Chevy Nova, which has been sitting on blocks since 1987. The dog is mean, he’s bitten three paperboys, one tax collector (God bless him) and your little brother. This is the dog that all the kids like to throw rocks at, but are too scared to get close enough to actually hit him. Your mom has called animal control on him four times, but those wimps won’t do anything about it. Well, I like him too, probably in the same way I like Judd.

And for those of you who think he’s (Judd, not the dog) just another illiterate moron cast to fill the stupid white guy quota (which I think now sits at 7), heck, he was the first to figure out Ancient Ruins, even if he couldn’t figure out how to untie a knot.

But, I made a decision. I am not going to let this week’s thoughts be hijacked by the whole Judd and Margaret situation. If you really want my true thoughts on that whole situation, ask me and I’ll tell you.

Now let’s move on.

Winner of the Week: So, if I strip away the Judd and Margaret thing, and then knock out Stephenie calling people, places, things or concepts retarded, I am left with about 15 minutes of actually Survivor to discuss. So, who do I choose as winner? Probst for another stunning version of the same shirt? The brilliant producers for coming up with another shocking retwist, the double tribal council which was sprung on us during the commercials for the show all week long. Or what about those challenge designers who once again brought back the big ball of death? Screw it, let’s just give it to Amy. She sprained her ankle again. Yeah, Amy!!!

Editor’s Note: For those who don’t own Bob’s Dictionary of Made Up Words, a retwist is defined as a shocking new twist which is, in reality, neither shocking nor new.

Shut up editor. It’s a real word, unless you’re a tool of the Webster elite.

Weasel of the Week: Remember, no Judd or Margaret talk (although both would qualify this week), so that leaves few options. So, let’s go with Gary Hogeboom, for voting off Brian. Well, not really, it wasn’t the dumbest thing he could have done, but the guy is just a horrible Survivor. I mean, what is his point. He’s an ex-professional athlete who is mediocre at the challenges. He is Christian youth mentor who is telling the stupidest, most obvious lie in Survivor History. And, even though he is only one tribal council away from the typical merge spot, he still believes that it is a smart move to keep Bobby Jon around for his strength at challenges. I mean, could someone out there, someone with a better understanding of Survivor strategy, please explain to me why voting off the weak is still a strategy. Now, I think that Brian made some dumb moves himself. Why did he never think of going to Brandon, who basically had been left out in the cold and try to get him to join up with him, Amy and Gary. He should have realized that Gary may need to be hand fed strategy, if the guy can’t even realize that the whole quarterback gig was up long ago.

Well, maybe I just like picking on the guy, but Gary seems to be a dope. Yep, a dope.

So, now I have to say goodbye to some fallen Survivor’s, Margaret. Avoiding the whole Judd conflict, I just want to say that I wish she had shown some of the spunk she had in early episodes. When she was on top of the totem pole, she was happy and fun, she gets slapped down a couple and she’s moody and self isolating. I know the vote was hard on her, and I know Blake going probably didn’t help, but I would have liked to see a little life out of her (that didn’t involve trying to set Judd off.) It seemed dark, and her hopes limited, but stranger things have happened. Don’t just wait for your opening, try to constructively create one.

Brian, our athletic man. Now, he was always athletic, and he had the most tribal spirit. Could he possible been one of those male cheerleaders? Well, bring it on dude! I liked Brian, he was cocky and that cockiness probably blinded him to the fact that just because you tell someone a course of action, doesn’t necessarily mean they were going to follow it. Too bad you didn’t get immunity from your buddy Rafe. I would like to see how Probst would have handled that? Revote or just knock off all the votes for Brian and Bobby Jon leaves, with one vote. Would have been interesting.

OK, one of the funniest scenes this week was Bobby Jon answering Brandon’s question about whether he regretted voting off Blake. He sort of sounded like President Bush trying to explain why his most trusted advisor may have committed perjury to the grand jury. In some ways I am proud of Bobby for actually playing the game this time instead of just acting as if he was above strategy. Yet, it was a weirdly awkward moment. Can you imagine how Bobby Jon explain to his wife where he had been all night and if he understood how worried that made her that he didn‘t call.:

Well some… it was just a part… a part of that… that, that stage of the night, I had to do what I had to... do… I know that you want me to call, and you know… know I want to call… but calling that late just rubs people the wrong way… ya know… and well… ya know…

Bobby Jon truly has a poet's heart.

OK, for those of you who want to know what happened in the other 20 minutes of the show (in no particular order).

Stephenie found something retarded and/or gay.

Some bugs bit her, also retarded and/or gay.

Rafe (gay, but not retarded) gave Gary immunity, I think.

The tribes got to play with a big ball (possible gay. not so sure about retarded).

Bobby Jon and Jamie man grunted at each other. Perhaps it’s a southern thing, or maybe the mating call of a the North American Snot Wocket. (Note: I tied up the editor, so you’ll have to figure out what a North American Snot Wocket is on your own.)

Rafe grabbed some bags, and spelled some words (with Judd’s help.)

Judd traded some food for a beer, a root beer for a beer, and his Babe Ruth card for an old stick of baseball card bubble gum.

At tribal council, Margaret chided Judd for Jamie’s bad unsportmanshipvillesquent behavior. Judd said Damn. Margeret called him a bully. Judd said Damn, shut the heck up. Margaret giggled and smirked, then through a passionate open mouth kiss gave Judd a case of A - D - D. At the mention of two D’s in a row, Blake made an appearance and made a lewd and uncalled for comment.

I think somewhere, somehow a beer may have disappeared.

Brian’s tribe sings his praises, then votes him off. Sandra, hiding in the buses, sees the whole thing and tell’s Rupert who roars his displeasure. (I think at that point, I had fallen asleep, after the emotional draining of the first tribal council, so that Sandra stuff could have just been a dream)

Oh, and next week, I promise to take these thoughts a bit more seriously. Love you all…