Survivor: Guatamala Thoughts "I Want to Be the Hero"

Episode 2:

So, when we last left our beloved Nakum/Bobby Jon tribe, they had just voted our Jim for being old, injured, old, and an ungrateful twit for the professional healthcare lavished upon him by our own Survivor Florence Nightingale, Margaret. The show opens up with the disheartening journey back to camp where we hear the clichéd whining about how emotionally devastating it was to have to go to tribal council. Now, I always fine these little prototypical Survivor moments a bit overblown. You just endured an 11 mile hike, which led your alpha males to share their predigested meals with the ancient Guatemalan ruins. You spent a few days with little or no food and water, you body adjusting to a harsh new environment. You just got your tale handed to you by Stephenie’s troopers, and your emotionally drained because you had to vote off some old guy with a torn bicep. One of these days I’d like to see some person say how jazzed he was to go to tribal and vote off the useless piece of crap Survivor that was destined to leave anyway.

Over at Yaxha we lean that the tribes have picked up the personalities of their marquee members. While Nakum is serious and forelorned (and quite possible blowing a six snot rocket salute to Jim the fallen) Yaxha is almost girlishly optimistic. Except for maybe Jamie who could probably sing happy birthday, dressed in a clown suit for a 2 year olds birthday and cause mass hysterical crying. His is quick though the diversity of this all white, mostly younger tribe. I mean, they have a fishmonger, a magicians assictant and a gay guy. Hell, they even made headway into the landscaper demographic. Yet, luckily, the also have the ultimate Survivor archetype, the average looking girl Morgan, who thinks she can utilize the “don’t do crap, but look good doing it” strategy that worked so well for Kim in Palau. That should work well for her.

Also at Yazha, we met Brianna briefly. Later we get to see her fall into some water and look hot doing it. Futility never looked so good… but I digress…

Winner of the Week: If, by some odd bit of fate, I ever get selected to play Survivor, before every challenge I am going to declare myself the hero to be, like our healthy friend Judd. Heck, if I end up being the hero, it gives them excellent material, and if I don’t, hell, I become the tragic, lovable comedy of ultimate failure despite tremendous heart. Judd, who probably had an inner chorus of angels singing when he saw that immunity challenge was a old fashion tug of war, called his shot and followed through. So far, Judd has stood out most to me from among the superfluous “new” Survivors. He is comical yet not hammy, and got stuck like a Rhino in the mud in the first episode. Plus, in reality, his reaction to the whole Blake being pampered by Margaret made more sense. It can be frustrating for the guys to see pretty boy Blake rest up for the challenges, and look like a hero. Using it as a source of inspiration is much better than Brandon’s nonsensical “man up” recommendation. Maybe the dude is milking it, but what the hell does “man up” mean. Judd’s performance during the challenge was more than just a show of a big man’s brute strength, the doorman actually outthought these other bozo’s.

Weasel of the Week: I have to admit, there is probably plenty of better candidates for this weeks weasel, but, nobody annoyed me more than good ole’ Hogeboom. Now, I sort of get not wanting people to know you’re a former NFL quarterback, but, if anyone had ever seen him play, they would have known Hogeboom was no threat. But, the man is just dopey. Maybe he got sacked one to many times, but there are a few screw loose up their. His performance in the tug of war challenge was the ideal of idiocy. Running over and tackling Judd did nothing but cement the mans lead. Did you really think you would pick the man up and drag him back. All you did was pin him in place, and quite frankly, tackling the man probably didn’t help you alibi. Yet, just as odd was his strategy thoughts. “You Can’t get emotional in this game.” Actually, you can and it’s a underused tool. An alliance made of strategy is only as strong as it’s strategic benefits. An ally forged through an emotional attachment is a much better ally. Don’t let emotions rule you, but don’t deny their place either.

So that leads us to tribal council where the tribe has the tough decision between Lydia and Morgan. I still struggle to understand why was such a tough one. OK, maybe Morgan has a marginally better upside when it comes to challenges, but marginal is all. One day Survivor’s will realize that lazy in camp often leads to lazy in strategy, and players like Morgan will try to take the easiest road, whether that includes you or not. So, goodby Ms. Morgan, maybe next time, cook something, clean something, hell, do a Katie and make some inspirational armlets for your tribe. Do something. The tribe made the right decision by sticking with the more motivated and resourceful Lydia.

So, the spider web challenge. The girls totally creamed the guys. It really wasn’t event close. Yet, when it came time to resend people, it was the guys who went. I found that interesting. Yet, all that aside, this seems like a impressive group of women. Physically, Danni has been impressive, and even some of the nonentity girls have shown up big in the challenges. The challenges have been pretty well done, although I was sort of surprised the Spiderweb bags didn’t contain puzzle pieces or something. After the horrible Vanuatu challenges, it’s good to see the producers not playing down the physical aspects of the challenges.

I think we may be seeing the end of Brian soon. He’s setting himself up as the anti-Stephenie instigator. Not that that is not a sound strategy, but even his attempts to originally orchestrate the Lydia vote seemed to be quickly dismissed. Yet, in his voting he seems to take credit for the last minute shuffle to save Lydia. Something is off in the editing here, and I think we me be seeing the set-up for a Stephenie/Brian power struggle with Lydia as a swing vote. While I like Stephenie, I feel her tribe would be smart ton get rid of her premerge. I think that her put downs of Bobby Jon may be an attempt to mask their relationship, and allowing them to hook up at the merge would be dangerous.

Well, I made it without a computer malfunction, so I am going to stop while I am ahead. See ya next week….